Translator: Kurehashi Aiko

Editor: ryunakama

Chapter 35: Knightly King of Writing Utensils

Now, if you want me to introduce my dear friend and shitty game buddy Pencil Warrior to you, we need to talk about a certain other shitty game that I cannot erase from my memory no matter how much I try.

That shitty game is called “United Rounds” and in a nutshell it was a game where you play as knights and repel waves of monsters that are trying to invade the already decaying kingdom…… It was a VRMMO. But, like almost every other game in my collection, it was a shitty game.

The first and foremost of its many flaws was of course the abysmal drop rate of items. But it was like, REALLY abysmal.

For example, as a novice knight you may receive the “Medicine Procurement” fetch quest. The item in question is in possession of the Boss monster that is located inside the forest near your starting location. Now, what would a typical noob think with a quest like that? That it is a tutorial quest and that it will be nice, quick and easy? Congrats, you’ve officially stepped into a grueling task that is at least twelve hours farming for one stupid item.

Be that as it may, the game was very faithful to its genre and setting. In other words, everything that was going to be broken, was indeed broken beyond repair…… You don’t believe me? Fine then. Take the “Stone”, an item that is so common in every game that you could practically get tired of seeing it. Here, in this game, it had a magnificently “high” drop of forty percent, which means that some unlucky players have never even seen the darn thing! As for those who DID manage to obtain it……

「This stone is useless even as a throwing weapon……」

While using it, you’d have to unequip every other item or weapon you were holding. Why? Because the stone could “accidentally” hit your other equipment. And guess what? Your initial equipment would break apart if it was hit by the stone three times!! How fucked up is that!?

By the way, the drop of medicinal herbs or even simple weeds was about a stunning two percent, so good luck with creating potions of any kind.

What about the plot of this game? As one might expect, it was as generic as it can possibly be done, so many times by so many different titles.

As the world slowly approaches the end of the century, violence, looting and crime begin to spread, and it was your job to restore the proper order. Honestly, that was the most shitty element of this game. There were many famous outlaws and monsters here, but to make that a main plotline? Give me a break. This could have worked in any other title that was single player, but not in MMO.

However, even the tips and tricks page on the game’s website stated that it is far easier to obtain the desired materials via looting the shopkeepers or stealing away from other players. But the fact that the kingdom in the middle of the apocalypse wasn’t exactly the most business-thriving place wasn’t helping…… and as the developer itself stated at some point, there was no intention of fixing these abysmal drop rates whatsoever. And they were never fixed, as a matter of fact.

It was small wonder that the PVP became such a strong and crucial element of this game, and this as a consequence earned it pretty low ratings on various review sites. Argument for low ratings being that PVP was forced and unnecessary, killing the social aspects of the game and cornering players into doubting and not trusting one another. Surprise attacks, kidnappings, mass lootings, monster trains and many other despicable acts became an everyday occurrence in this game.

As a result “United Rounds” or “The End of the Century Round Table” established a certain niche for itself and continued to be enjoyed by a certain group of players up till this day……

Now, going back to the Pencil Warrior. Just like many other people, he was a new Outlaw that was attracted to this game because of its “unique” premise.

I’m not going to get into too much detail here, but suffice it to say that Pencil Warrior somehow managed to raise up as one of the strongest people in the entire game, at one point even bringing the whole kingdom to its knees together with a group of his followers and making it his own domain. His motto: “Let’s share the wealth and drop items together! It’s the birth of a bright new era, even brighter than fresh blood!”

At that time it was such a bullshit situation one could even question how such a thing was even allowed in the first place?

But you had to hand it to him, he knew what he was doing. He exploited the players not directly under his rule, causing them to create resistance groups and rebel against him, thus creating something of a “mini-event” which held the players hooked and willing to stay with the game for a long time.

At the peak of his power, it was no exaggeration to say that the whole game was in the hands of this one player. He was a great conqueror, one to whom even the Roman emperors couldn’t compare. He even earned such nicknames for himself as “The Mastermind”, “The Devilish Schemer”, and “The True Demon Lord”. It was quite an achievement to pull off.

As for me…… At that time I was known as the Katsu Tataki, and together with Modorokatsu we were hired by the resistance as mercenaries in order to assault Pencil Warrior’s stronghold. Although the fortress was ridden with traps and strong enemies, we eventually managed to reach the throne room and put Pencil Warrior down (although it was a two-vs-one type of fight), thus bringing the curtain down upon his era of rule over the “United Rounds”…… and that was the legend of Arthur Pencilgton who was standing right before me.

「That name brings about so many bad memories……」

「Fufufu, I was brought over here all the way from Fiftsia without really knowing what was going on, but now I’m actually glad that I did.」

Pencil Warrior…… No, it was Arthur Pencilgton right now, seemed to be overjoyed while playing around with his one-handed sword, which looked to be a really powerful weapon. I could sense that Emul was on edge, but was this situation really going to turn into a PK attempt?

Also, if Emul’s disguise was slowly going to dissolve like that, maybe it would be best for him to actually go and hide somewhere, so that he wouldn’t attract any attention.

「That being said, me being here is more of a personal reason.」


「The same thing goes for Katsu as well, but you really played me for a fool that one time.」

Yeah, go figure. If you’d say that you, a high-level player, came all the way here for any other reason, I would surely think you must be jesting.

「Just so you know, I am the number two in “Ashura-kai”.」

「Number two in “Ashura-kai”…… No way! Are you perhaps the “Giant Slayer Pencilgton!?”」

There was a few seconds of silence between us, brought to a stop by Animalia’s shocked voice.

「Giant Slayer!?」

「You see, if your goal is to become the number one player in the game, you might as well choose an appropriate title for yourself. But nowadays it’s hard to have any fun killing other players with all of those PK penalties and stuff…… but there are other ways to carve a name for yourself in this game, that’s for sure.」

「Rather than being called a “Giant Slayer” it would suit you much more to be called the “Emperor of Dystopia”!」

「You said it.」


Both Animalia and Emul were staring at us with complicated expressions, probably unable to understand how could we laugh like that at one another. You see, we might become enemies in a moment, but that doesn’t change the fact that we are also friends.

「That’s the part of you that I like so much! Now have at you!」

「You utter fool! I knew you would try something like that!」

Pencil Warrior and I usually play games in a hostile or rivalry relationship like that, so this event wasn’t in fact anything new. He threw a throwing knife at me and I managed to avoid it with ease.

Now then, just how am I going to handle that newborn situation?

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